A mess!

Hello all. I have been one busy bitch. It has been one month and 8 days since my last post here and I have missed you so!!!!

Once again, I am having relationship problems. I think T and I are over. We haven't spoken in five days now. I guess now I am just waiting on him to come pick up his shit. Lets see if I can give you all a quick rundown of what happened.

I got sick and my mom came to take care of her baby. More on her later. T decided he would leave. I wanted him to stay and meet her, since he has basically been living here why leave now? But he told me out of respect for her he would leave and give her and me time to reconnect. I truly didn't want him to leave but he did. Mama Diamond said that my mother coming to visit was a blessing from above. She never liked him, said he was just using me. I've always been the kind of person who has to tire of situations instead of taking the advice of others, especially when the person giving out the advice is alone they damn self. No one has to like whats going on in my house but they must respect my decisions especially if they are not paying a damn bill up in here. After he left I went through two weeks of hell. It wasn't due to my mom being here, I was just so busy. I juggled work, school, and home and personal business. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I came home one day and my mom had packed T's clothes into a trash bag. I thought that was funny. He didn't of course. He looked so pitiful when I gave him that bag.

The week before my mom came I won a drag show and was booked to perform the following Monday. It was hell trying to buy things for the show and hide them from my mom. Thank God for Mama Diamond who allowed me to use her home. More on me and Drag later.

My critical care rotation kicked my ass too. I was in charge of the medications of patients in the intensive care unit, the sickest of the sick. Drunks, car accidents, motorcycle accidents, brain injuries, nursing home dumps, they all were there. My brain was truly picked but I did not loose one patient. Today was the last day of that rotation and I am truly thankful for that. That is a load off me. I know that I will never be a critical care pharmacist. Too much pressure and not enough time to think. Everything is stat! O hell naw!

CVS was hell as usual. They are sending out offer letters in about a week. It looks like I might have to take that offer for a little while. I really don't want too.

After I worked at CVS, T called me and asked me to come to Virginia to spend some time with him. Since my mother is here visiting I didn't think it was right to ask me to come to Virginia to see him. It wasn't like she was going to be here forever. I can see him anytime after she leaves. It was already Saturday evening after 6 and all I wanted to do was go home and lay my old tired ass down for sleep. So I told him I didn't feel like coming to see him. I was just too tired. I've never been one to beat around the bush with an opinion. I'm too old for that shit anyway. Then he throws this whole I'm hungry type of shit in the conversation. Even though I was tired as shit my brain kicked in. I said to myself, he only wants me to come out there so I can take him to get something to eat. So any thought on changing my mind went totally out of my car window. Then, I found out he had been off all day. I asked, "Why didn't you go out to get you something. There are plenty of restaurants in your area?" He got angry saying, "When have you ever known me to leave the house on my day off?" I said, "If you were hungry you would have gone to get you something instead of waiting on me." He got pissed which made me mad. I cut the conversation short. I was already under too much stress and don't need his shit too.

Since 2001 I've lived by a different motto. My favorite singer put out a song called "No More Drama." She performed that song on the Grammy's that year and it totally blew me away! I have lived by that motto every since. I can't do drama, conflicts, arguments, etc. So that is why I cut the conversation short. I will hangup on a bitch with the quickness. I ended up going to a barbecue my friends were giving and then took my ass home to my mama. The next night I get an angry drunken call asking if our relationship is over. I said it was on thin ice. He wanted an answer. He wanted to argue. I couldn't say what I truly wanted to say because my mom was here. He got me angry again and I cut it short again.

I do love him but I can't support him. Yes, relationships are suppose to be 50/50 but I am finding my self in an 80/20 situation with me providing housing, food, travel, laundry, etc. This is unfair to me. On my left arm, I have tattooed the Chinese symbols for love and happiness. I figured that if I tattooed that on my arm I'd have it forever. But will I ever have this in a physical form?