Hello All,
Once again I've spent too much time away from this blog. Another year is quickly coming to an end and life has finally started to give me some breathing room.
Since my last post I am now a Doctor of Pharmacy. This little country boy has made good! I have been slowly and steadily preparing for my board exam. Two of what I thought were my good good friends from pharmacy school have been bullshitting around with me. I asked for board review materials from them and one took her sweet time getting me the material and the other still hasn't given me shit. Then I decided to apply for a pharmacy residency and asked them both for recommendations since they are Doctor's and shit. They both said yeah. One of them asked me to "send them something" I guess to get them started. What kind of shit is that?
That was crazy to me. This friend has two degree's but wants me to "send her something" to get her started. I've started to think that she doesn't want to write it for me. I wish she would just say that, let me be pissed for a while and then find someone else to write it. The recommendation is due in less than a month!
So I have also jumped back into my shitty CVS job. As much as I would like to quit; it is a paying job and I need it to try to pay the $1000 for my boards and also balance paying rent in February. Those muthafucka's don't know that I am going to silently pass these board exams and never show the fuck back up. I also have to find another job and for a profession that is supposedly "in demand" and "in a current shortage" the jobs in this area seem to be scarce or maybe I'm looking in the wrong places for a job. I blame it on having two pharmacy schools in the area who turn out around 200 or so graduates per year. Hopefully doing a residency will give me another edge above the competition.
I am so happy right now. I wonder how long will this feeling last. Happiness is something that never seems to last long with me. A little over a year ago on a trip to New York, I got my first tattoo. I was down in the village with my best friend Sebastian when I got the overwhelming urge to get a tattoo.
I had tattooed to my left arm the Chinese symbols for love and happiness. I figured that as long as it is attached to my body I'd always have it.
Wish me luck. Smoochies!!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Another mess with T
Hello All!!!
I don't know how long everyone has been reading my blog so you may have to go back a couple of entries to understand this "sort of" follow up post.
It has been almost 6 months since I met T. And like all relationships I've been in, it started out wonderfully then quickly spun out of control. I found myself quickly pulling 80% of the relationship. How you ask? I became the taxi, maid, bank, hotel, mother, and Karrine Steffans-----if you know what I mean. After 2 months of trying to keep it all afloat, I gave up. I was exhausted. I was hurt. Wow, I thought, another failed relationship.
But it was not truly over. He still spent some time here. Got some when he wanted it. I think one of the main reasons that he is still in my life is because he still has some personal belongings here such as his flat screen tv and desktop computer.
Anyway, last night while my girl Whitney was making her acceptance speech, T called. Said he was at a bus stop and wanted to see me. It felt good to hear that someone wanted to see me. Unfortunately, that good feeling went away 10 seconds later when he said he had missed his bus and needed to get home (Arlington, Va) to get his work clothes. Once again, I was only needed to be a taxi. And like the fool that I am I stopped everything I was doing to go see about him. I found out he was down at the Bachelor's Mill after being dropped off there. I put on some clothes and made my way out there. My drag mother Diamond called as I was leaving to talk about Whitney's performance. That lady has some kind of intuition. She asked if I was driving somewhere. I said yes. She said, I know you not going to get that bum from somewhere are you? I said yes. She was hurt but said she would let me handle the situation. I wish I knew how.
It was karaoke night at the mill and it was packed. My drag grandmother Alleycat was there and two of my drag aunts Sabrina and Jasmine were there also. Tallulah Fox Deverroux was there so it was like a big reunion. Jasmine sang a Phyllis Hymann song, "Meet me on the Moon". Phyllis always takes me there. For those of you who don't have a Phyllis Hymann album or don't know who she is, please go out and get one of her albums NOW. T was there drunk, pulling on me, talking all loud. Showing all sorts of inappropriate public displays of affection. I made him buy me a drink which he complained fiercely about. It took him two months to drain my bank account, me four months to put it back together and he complains about a measly $8 drink. I quickly lost myself in the crowd and tried to have some fun.
I finished my drink and we left. Got outside and he started pulling on me again, knocked my expensive I-phone out of my hand. I swore it was broken but it was ok. Got to my car and he walked completely around it stating "I had to check to see if some niggah left a mark." I chopped up his behavior to alcohol but my nerves were quickly wearing thin. As soon as I got on the interstate to go to Virginia his ass was asleep. I didn't really know where I was going because I have only been to his place of residence a couple of times. I missed my exit, tried to wake him but ended up having to find my own way. Finally got there, woke him and he was on his way to get some clothes while all the time stating how he was going to tear my pussy up when we get back to my apartment. I went along with it, being the weak thing that I am, just trying not to start no shit with him. I knew that by the time I got home his ass would be in drunken stupor too high to get his dick hard.
Fifteen minutes later he was back from getting clothes and ready to argue. Arguing is something I can't stand and try my best to avoid. He was trying to get me to spend the night and as usual I refused. Once again, we started to argue why. Here is my reasoning:
1. This is not his apartment. His "roommate" is someone he has fucked in the past. He tried to hide this fact from me but I just had that feeling that he and that guy had fucked before. I just knew it. He finally admitted it two months into our relationship. I don't feel comfortable stepping foot into someones apartment that he dicked down in the past. I don't care how long ago that was.
2. Its in Arlington, Virginia. I stay in Maryland. My rotation site is in Maryland. What sense does it make to fight traffic in Virginia, then DC to get to my apartment to change clothes and then fight traffic again on the beltway to go to my rotation which I am suppose to be at by 7:30AM? It would take 2 to 2 and a half hours to do all that. O hell naw!!!
As we were driving he continued to argue until I finally met my breaking point. "Do you wanna go back, I asked?" "Yeah, take me back, he screamed." I tried my best to kill us both after that statement. I turned the radio up as loud as it would go and made the hardest U-turn I could. I floored the accelerator on my car, ran traffic lights, swerved across lanes. Tires screeched, and breaks squealed as I brought my car to a hard stop back in front of the apartment building we had just left. I tried to throw his ass out of the windshield when I stompped the brakes. He got out, threw a bottle of water at me which I picked up and hit his ass in the back. He slammed my door and I screeched off again. I was so upset.
Here I was. I had stopped watching a show to go help him. I got dressed. I drove all the way into the District. I picked him up. I drove him to Virginia to get HIS stuff. It was all done to please him. What did I get? An $8 drink that I got grief over, a couple of minutes conversation with some drag queens I knew, an increase in blood pressure and a sleepless night.
I've got a lifetime of failed relationships. From my relationships with both my parents which seem to be perpetually at a breaking point to my so called love life. I am so tired of this shit. I really wanna move out of this area and start over. My life at some point has to get better. It seems like I am always picking my face up out of the mud.
Maybe I should get a dog?
I don't know how long everyone has been reading my blog so you may have to go back a couple of entries to understand this "sort of" follow up post.
It has been almost 6 months since I met T. And like all relationships I've been in, it started out wonderfully then quickly spun out of control. I found myself quickly pulling 80% of the relationship. How you ask? I became the taxi, maid, bank, hotel, mother, and Karrine Steffans-----if you know what I mean. After 2 months of trying to keep it all afloat, I gave up. I was exhausted. I was hurt. Wow, I thought, another failed relationship.
But it was not truly over. He still spent some time here. Got some when he wanted it. I think one of the main reasons that he is still in my life is because he still has some personal belongings here such as his flat screen tv and desktop computer.
Anyway, last night while my girl Whitney was making her acceptance speech, T called. Said he was at a bus stop and wanted to see me. It felt good to hear that someone wanted to see me. Unfortunately, that good feeling went away 10 seconds later when he said he had missed his bus and needed to get home (Arlington, Va) to get his work clothes. Once again, I was only needed to be a taxi. And like the fool that I am I stopped everything I was doing to go see about him. I found out he was down at the Bachelor's Mill after being dropped off there. I put on some clothes and made my way out there. My drag mother Diamond called as I was leaving to talk about Whitney's performance. That lady has some kind of intuition. She asked if I was driving somewhere. I said yes. She said, I know you not going to get that bum from somewhere are you? I said yes. She was hurt but said she would let me handle the situation. I wish I knew how.
It was karaoke night at the mill and it was packed. My drag grandmother Alleycat was there and two of my drag aunts Sabrina and Jasmine were there also. Tallulah Fox Deverroux was there so it was like a big reunion. Jasmine sang a Phyllis Hymann song, "Meet me on the Moon". Phyllis always takes me there. For those of you who don't have a Phyllis Hymann album or don't know who she is, please go out and get one of her albums NOW. T was there drunk, pulling on me, talking all loud. Showing all sorts of inappropriate public displays of affection. I made him buy me a drink which he complained fiercely about. It took him two months to drain my bank account, me four months to put it back together and he complains about a measly $8 drink. I quickly lost myself in the crowd and tried to have some fun.
I finished my drink and we left. Got outside and he started pulling on me again, knocked my expensive I-phone out of my hand. I swore it was broken but it was ok. Got to my car and he walked completely around it stating "I had to check to see if some niggah left a mark." I chopped up his behavior to alcohol but my nerves were quickly wearing thin. As soon as I got on the interstate to go to Virginia his ass was asleep. I didn't really know where I was going because I have only been to his place of residence a couple of times. I missed my exit, tried to wake him but ended up having to find my own way. Finally got there, woke him and he was on his way to get some clothes while all the time stating how he was going to tear my pussy up when we get back to my apartment. I went along with it, being the weak thing that I am, just trying not to start no shit with him. I knew that by the time I got home his ass would be in drunken stupor too high to get his dick hard.
Fifteen minutes later he was back from getting clothes and ready to argue. Arguing is something I can't stand and try my best to avoid. He was trying to get me to spend the night and as usual I refused. Once again, we started to argue why. Here is my reasoning:
1. This is not his apartment. His "roommate" is someone he has fucked in the past. He tried to hide this fact from me but I just had that feeling that he and that guy had fucked before. I just knew it. He finally admitted it two months into our relationship. I don't feel comfortable stepping foot into someones apartment that he dicked down in the past. I don't care how long ago that was.
2. Its in Arlington, Virginia. I stay in Maryland. My rotation site is in Maryland. What sense does it make to fight traffic in Virginia, then DC to get to my apartment to change clothes and then fight traffic again on the beltway to go to my rotation which I am suppose to be at by 7:30AM? It would take 2 to 2 and a half hours to do all that. O hell naw!!!
As we were driving he continued to argue until I finally met my breaking point. "Do you wanna go back, I asked?" "Yeah, take me back, he screamed." I tried my best to kill us both after that statement. I turned the radio up as loud as it would go and made the hardest U-turn I could. I floored the accelerator on my car, ran traffic lights, swerved across lanes. Tires screeched, and breaks squealed as I brought my car to a hard stop back in front of the apartment building we had just left. I tried to throw his ass out of the windshield when I stompped the brakes. He got out, threw a bottle of water at me which I picked up and hit his ass in the back. He slammed my door and I screeched off again. I was so upset.
Here I was. I had stopped watching a show to go help him. I got dressed. I drove all the way into the District. I picked him up. I drove him to Virginia to get HIS stuff. It was all done to please him. What did I get? An $8 drink that I got grief over, a couple of minutes conversation with some drag queens I knew, an increase in blood pressure and a sleepless night.
I've got a lifetime of failed relationships. From my relationships with both my parents which seem to be perpetually at a breaking point to my so called love life. I am so tired of this shit. I really wanna move out of this area and start over. My life at some point has to get better. It seems like I am always picking my face up out of the mud.
Maybe I should get a dog?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Geriatrics
Hello All!!!! I am on my last and final rotation. YEEEYYYYYY!!!! I took a Pre-Naplex test last Friday and did very well. I couldn't believe it. I did so well I am thinking about framing the score.
I am on a Geriatrics rotation. I spend my time in the Emergency Department interviewing people over the age of 65 about what medications they are taking. Most don't know so this can be a difficult task. Hell, they barely know what they are using them for. I'm not doing anything difficult. I'm basically sitting on my ass all day looking at profiles checking for interactions, making sure the doses are appropriate, etc.
But I get at least one hilarious case every day. Hospital pharmacist have all the fun. They get the juicy details on every patient and like all queens I am absolutely loving it. All of the gossip, and details keeps me coming back.
This one man in his 80s came in with a black eye. His ass fell and some kind of way hit his face on a table according to his wife. He is very talkative and active but does not know how he got a black eye or that he even has a black eye. Everytime I ask how did you get a black eye he says, "What black eye?" You would initially think he is trying to be funny but he really has no idea that he has a black eye. 15minutes later I had the same conversation with him. I picked at him for about 2 hours. He made my day!!!!
The next lady was acutally admitted to the hospital. She was complaining of jaw pain and inability to eat. She had lost a significant amount of weight. She had been worked up by her primary medical doctor, a dentist, and HEENT (Head, eyes, ears, nose, throat). All results came back normal so we really don't know whats wrong with her. In the middle of the night she called home and told her family that she is home from the hospital and is outside waiting to be let in the house. When I read this I laughed my ass off. I had read about this in her medical profile. Thank God, I wasn't in front of her family or my preceptor because I probably would have burst out laughing then too.
Although my time spent with the elderly is for education purposes, they have been fun, enlightning and scary all at the same time. My beloved grandmother just turned 73 and I don't know what I would do if she developed dementia or Alzheimer's or as she calls it "All Timers". My great grandmother (my grandfather's mother) lived to be 94 and knew everything and everyone. My grandmother's stepmother is still alive and at 96 and still knows everyone. She even told me how old I was the last time I saw her. My father's mother just turned 80 and unfortunantely is mentally no longer there. Yes, she still looks like the grandmother I had as a child but has no idea that I am her grandchild or even kin to her. She doesn't even speak like she did when I was growing up. To me its just someone who looks like my grandmother. It hurts to see her like that.
Anyway, life carries on. What can I do? I have 2 weeks and 3 days left before I will finish and I am going to enjoy my last rotation. These old timers keep me rolling!!
I've got to make plans for a celebration!!!!!
I am on a Geriatrics rotation. I spend my time in the Emergency Department interviewing people over the age of 65 about what medications they are taking. Most don't know so this can be a difficult task. Hell, they barely know what they are using them for. I'm not doing anything difficult. I'm basically sitting on my ass all day looking at profiles checking for interactions, making sure the doses are appropriate, etc.
But I get at least one hilarious case every day. Hospital pharmacist have all the fun. They get the juicy details on every patient and like all queens I am absolutely loving it. All of the gossip, and details keeps me coming back.
This one man in his 80s came in with a black eye. His ass fell and some kind of way hit his face on a table according to his wife. He is very talkative and active but does not know how he got a black eye or that he even has a black eye. Everytime I ask how did you get a black eye he says, "What black eye?" You would initially think he is trying to be funny but he really has no idea that he has a black eye. 15minutes later I had the same conversation with him. I picked at him for about 2 hours. He made my day!!!!
The next lady was acutally admitted to the hospital. She was complaining of jaw pain and inability to eat. She had lost a significant amount of weight. She had been worked up by her primary medical doctor, a dentist, and HEENT (Head, eyes, ears, nose, throat). All results came back normal so we really don't know whats wrong with her. In the middle of the night she called home and told her family that she is home from the hospital and is outside waiting to be let in the house. When I read this I laughed my ass off. I had read about this in her medical profile. Thank God, I wasn't in front of her family or my preceptor because I probably would have burst out laughing then too.
Although my time spent with the elderly is for education purposes, they have been fun, enlightning and scary all at the same time. My beloved grandmother just turned 73 and I don't know what I would do if she developed dementia or Alzheimer's or as she calls it "All Timers". My great grandmother (my grandfather's mother) lived to be 94 and knew everything and everyone. My grandmother's stepmother is still alive and at 96 and still knows everyone. She even told me how old I was the last time I saw her. My father's mother just turned 80 and unfortunantely is mentally no longer there. Yes, she still looks like the grandmother I had as a child but has no idea that I am her grandchild or even kin to her. She doesn't even speak like she did when I was growing up. To me its just someone who looks like my grandmother. It hurts to see her like that.
Anyway, life carries on. What can I do? I have 2 weeks and 3 days left before I will finish and I am going to enjoy my last rotation. These old timers keep me rolling!!
I've got to make plans for a celebration!!!!!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Career Fair Blues
Good Morning All!!
I woke up this morning still mad about last Friday. The School of Pharmacy's annual career fair was held last Friday. I had been excited about this day. I felt that I would be able to pick out a job that fit my personality and needs. I soon found out that I was fooling no one but myself. I have been mad every since and figured writing about it would help me forget about it.
Less than 10 years ago, signing bonuses of $5,000 up to $30,000 were being offered to new pharmacy school graduates. There was a national shortage of pharmacists and the good white people were scrambling around to hire pharmacists at whatever cost. Some places were offering signing bonuses, paid relocation expenses, and BMW's. Not one damn company at this career fair offered any of that shit. Also, I found out that the national shortage that once was occurring was now only in certain parts of the country. Which parts do you ask? Southern Deleware, West Virginia, Kansas, Indian reservations in North Dakota, New Mexico, Arizona, and the state of Alaska. Do you know any black people in these damned places?? The only state with even a minor prospect of me possibly moving to where there is still a critical need for pharmacists is California. The only problem, the California board exams are hell to pass. California is also a state where making $100,000 a year will still put me in the same type of apartment I am living in now. Those six figures won't go all that far in California or New York. And I have worked too damn hard to not be able to show growth.
I was looking for a hospital job with retail as a second job, part time or on an as needed basis. Washington Adventist Hospital was the hospital I was hoping for but the lady told me point blank that they were not hiring new graduates. The next thing that went through my mind is "Well, what the fuck are you doing here?" I took her card and promised to email here my resume to "keep on file." Bullshit. Why hospitals? I enjoy looking at medical profiles and deciding if this is the best medication for a particular patient. I also get a chance to remove unnessesary medications. The thing that I am really feeling about a hospital job is being able to take my time to reveiw a profile, have my input accepted, and a lunch break. In retail pharmacies, its all about the numbers. Its about how many prescriptions can you put out in an hour, how much chaos can you deal with in a day. Have you been in a retail pharmacy (CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, etc.)? How long did you have to wait. I've worked in retail pharmacies for 8 years. I have seen up to 3 hour waits. What sense does that make? Anyway. I signed up for "preliminary" interviews with six companies.
1. Cardinal Health. The only thing I know about Cardinal Health is that they tend to be a backup system of distributing drugs to companies whose primary warehouse is out of the needed medication. Every retail company I've worked for gets its medications from Cardinal when their warehouse is out. I had no idea they hired pharmacists. The thing that drew me to Cardinal is that it is not a retail nor a hospital pharmacy. It has a little of both. And is self-sufficient. Unfortunanelty it is not hiring in this area or anywhere I plan on moving to. I interviewed with Marcus, who I knew from school. He is a 2008 Howard Grad and came up form Newport News, Virginia where he is doing a residency with Cardinal. It wasn't an interview at all. We talked about clubs here in DC and Virginia. I still think Cardinal is a good place to possibly work for. Too bad Marcus didn't seem to care at all. I thought he would have been a good contact person to help me get a job but I soon saw right through that.
2. Wal-Mart. I acutally owe this comapany my start in Pharmacy. I got my very first job ever with this company. I started in the Tire-Lube Express making $7.00/hour. I thought I was the shit. I made more money per hour than all my aunts and uncles except one uncle. I was making more money than both my parents and I was only 18 at the time. I worked tire-lube for about 2 months, then I was a front end cashier for 2years and finally spent my last year there in the pharmacy. I started in the pharmacy as a technician but I soon found that being black, male, educated (I was persuing my B.S. in Biology from Alabama A&M at that time), and in a pharmacy didn't sit well with north Alabama white people. My pharmacy manager refused to write me a recommendation to get into pharmacy school and after that promptly made me a floor associate. I worked hard and stayed because I needed that job at that time. I had a car payment and rent. I vowed I would never be in that situation again and through education, I would have my way. But, the good lord sent a perky white girl my way who had just graduated from pharmacy school. This girl didn't know me and had only worked with me once but she wrote me a glowing recommendation and got one of her friends who had never laid eyes on me to do the same.
I didn't like my interview. The white lady who I sat down with was cold and impersonal. She was just going throught the motions with me. I could tell that she was there just to say that Wal-Mart is open to all people regardless of color, creed, etc. Wal-Mart has good values and is an excellent company to work for but that bitch I sat with is no good. I could see my self telling that bitch to lick my balls after 3 months of my hiring. I don't like fake people and she was definintely fake. She asked the craziest questions and I really had to think on my feet to show this bitch that I am not the one honeey! (2 snaps and a twirl on her ass!!)
3. Harris Teeter. Harris Teeter is a new company. Its an upscale grocery chain in this area that is much like Whole Foods but with a pharmacy. I sat with a sister who immediately put me at ease. We started out by just chatting and having a couple of snicker-mini's that she brought. We went thought what the company was looking for and it was a good interview. The only thing I didn't like is that they have some stores where the pharmacist will be working alone. True that they only fill about 60-90 scripts a day but I can't imagine being alone in a pharmacy. I will be back there laid out sleep! They do pay well and is less busy which is a big plus for me.
4. Rite Aid. I have worked for Rite Aid before. I worked for them for about 2 months back in 2004. I made a long lasting friendship with Denise while working for them. It wasn't a busy place and was fun. I actually looked forward to going to work. That interview went very well and I see that it is a company that is truly on the move. It is looking to start up programs that will really help people. I was pleased with my experience with them and if they offer me a posistion I can see myself taking it.
5. Shoppers. Shoppers is another grocery store chain. I have been in some of them and they look straight out of the 70s. But, the people they had there could sell you lint out of your own pocket. They talked a good talk and like Rite Aid, they are a company on the move with Diabetes Education, Medication Therapy Management Services, things that clinical pharmaicsts do but in a retail setting. If they offer me a job, then like Rite Aid I'm going to take it.
6. Kaiser. O my God, I absolutely hate them! They are a slap in the face to every PharmD. I was told that since I am getting a DOCTOR of Pharmacy degree that I will the relegated to only checking and passing out prescriptions. The queen came out of me with all her claws exposed. O no ma'am! I pay too much money and have too much knowledge to just pass out prescriptions. They tried to tell me that clinical pharmacists will be the ones to manage patient profiles as if I don't have the knowledge to do that. They got me mixed up with registered pharmacists. PharmD's are very capable of performing those clinical duties. Do they not know that here at Howard University we are taught to be clinicians. It took all I had to not slap all three of the bitches sitting in front of me. They are the reason I woke up mad this morning. Mothafucka's!!!!!
As a side note. You all know I currently work for CVS and have been for almost 6 years now. They were throwing me much shade. I asked the intern coordinator for more hours next month and she told me to talk to the pharmacy manager who is a complete asshole. I have never had to do that in all my time with this company. I was truly taken aback!! She had been cool with me but is now on my shit list. I didn't interview with them and that was on purpose. That company has worked the shit out of me with no regards for its employees. I watched the pharmacist at my store work 12 and 14 hour shifts. Technician help is spotty. CVS is at the bottom of list of places to work, so is Walgreen's. They expect people to be robots.
So, it looks like my options are mainly retail. I mean I gotta have a job. Rite Aid and Shopper's are retail but with a more clinical decision making end which is what I would like. Shoppers is even offering to pay me back my board fees when I pass. I can't beat that. That fact puts them at the top of list of future prospects.
Yall pray for me. I got rent due in February and will need a job really towards the end of next month just to keep my head above water.
In the famous words of Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." :)
I woke up this morning still mad about last Friday. The School of Pharmacy's annual career fair was held last Friday. I had been excited about this day. I felt that I would be able to pick out a job that fit my personality and needs. I soon found out that I was fooling no one but myself. I have been mad every since and figured writing about it would help me forget about it.
Less than 10 years ago, signing bonuses of $5,000 up to $30,000 were being offered to new pharmacy school graduates. There was a national shortage of pharmacists and the good white people were scrambling around to hire pharmacists at whatever cost. Some places were offering signing bonuses, paid relocation expenses, and BMW's. Not one damn company at this career fair offered any of that shit. Also, I found out that the national shortage that once was occurring was now only in certain parts of the country. Which parts do you ask? Southern Deleware, West Virginia, Kansas, Indian reservations in North Dakota, New Mexico, Arizona, and the state of Alaska. Do you know any black people in these damned places?? The only state with even a minor prospect of me possibly moving to where there is still a critical need for pharmacists is California. The only problem, the California board exams are hell to pass. California is also a state where making $100,000 a year will still put me in the same type of apartment I am living in now. Those six figures won't go all that far in California or New York. And I have worked too damn hard to not be able to show growth.
I was looking for a hospital job with retail as a second job, part time or on an as needed basis. Washington Adventist Hospital was the hospital I was hoping for but the lady told me point blank that they were not hiring new graduates. The next thing that went through my mind is "Well, what the fuck are you doing here?" I took her card and promised to email here my resume to "keep on file." Bullshit. Why hospitals? I enjoy looking at medical profiles and deciding if this is the best medication for a particular patient. I also get a chance to remove unnessesary medications. The thing that I am really feeling about a hospital job is being able to take my time to reveiw a profile, have my input accepted, and a lunch break. In retail pharmacies, its all about the numbers. Its about how many prescriptions can you put out in an hour, how much chaos can you deal with in a day. Have you been in a retail pharmacy (CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, etc.)? How long did you have to wait. I've worked in retail pharmacies for 8 years. I have seen up to 3 hour waits. What sense does that make? Anyway. I signed up for "preliminary" interviews with six companies.
1. Cardinal Health. The only thing I know about Cardinal Health is that they tend to be a backup system of distributing drugs to companies whose primary warehouse is out of the needed medication. Every retail company I've worked for gets its medications from Cardinal when their warehouse is out. I had no idea they hired pharmacists. The thing that drew me to Cardinal is that it is not a retail nor a hospital pharmacy. It has a little of both. And is self-sufficient. Unfortunanelty it is not hiring in this area or anywhere I plan on moving to. I interviewed with Marcus, who I knew from school. He is a 2008 Howard Grad and came up form Newport News, Virginia where he is doing a residency with Cardinal. It wasn't an interview at all. We talked about clubs here in DC and Virginia. I still think Cardinal is a good place to possibly work for. Too bad Marcus didn't seem to care at all. I thought he would have been a good contact person to help me get a job but I soon saw right through that.
2. Wal-Mart. I acutally owe this comapany my start in Pharmacy. I got my very first job ever with this company. I started in the Tire-Lube Express making $7.00/hour. I thought I was the shit. I made more money per hour than all my aunts and uncles except one uncle. I was making more money than both my parents and I was only 18 at the time. I worked tire-lube for about 2 months, then I was a front end cashier for 2years and finally spent my last year there in the pharmacy. I started in the pharmacy as a technician but I soon found that being black, male, educated (I was persuing my B.S. in Biology from Alabama A&M at that time), and in a pharmacy didn't sit well with north Alabama white people. My pharmacy manager refused to write me a recommendation to get into pharmacy school and after that promptly made me a floor associate. I worked hard and stayed because I needed that job at that time. I had a car payment and rent. I vowed I would never be in that situation again and through education, I would have my way. But, the good lord sent a perky white girl my way who had just graduated from pharmacy school. This girl didn't know me and had only worked with me once but she wrote me a glowing recommendation and got one of her friends who had never laid eyes on me to do the same.
I didn't like my interview. The white lady who I sat down with was cold and impersonal. She was just going throught the motions with me. I could tell that she was there just to say that Wal-Mart is open to all people regardless of color, creed, etc. Wal-Mart has good values and is an excellent company to work for but that bitch I sat with is no good. I could see my self telling that bitch to lick my balls after 3 months of my hiring. I don't like fake people and she was definintely fake. She asked the craziest questions and I really had to think on my feet to show this bitch that I am not the one honeey! (2 snaps and a twirl on her ass!!)
3. Harris Teeter. Harris Teeter is a new company. Its an upscale grocery chain in this area that is much like Whole Foods but with a pharmacy. I sat with a sister who immediately put me at ease. We started out by just chatting and having a couple of snicker-mini's that she brought. We went thought what the company was looking for and it was a good interview. The only thing I didn't like is that they have some stores where the pharmacist will be working alone. True that they only fill about 60-90 scripts a day but I can't imagine being alone in a pharmacy. I will be back there laid out sleep! They do pay well and is less busy which is a big plus for me.
4. Rite Aid. I have worked for Rite Aid before. I worked for them for about 2 months back in 2004. I made a long lasting friendship with Denise while working for them. It wasn't a busy place and was fun. I actually looked forward to going to work. That interview went very well and I see that it is a company that is truly on the move. It is looking to start up programs that will really help people. I was pleased with my experience with them and if they offer me a posistion I can see myself taking it.
5. Shoppers. Shoppers is another grocery store chain. I have been in some of them and they look straight out of the 70s. But, the people they had there could sell you lint out of your own pocket. They talked a good talk and like Rite Aid, they are a company on the move with Diabetes Education, Medication Therapy Management Services, things that clinical pharmaicsts do but in a retail setting. If they offer me a job, then like Rite Aid I'm going to take it.
6. Kaiser. O my God, I absolutely hate them! They are a slap in the face to every PharmD. I was told that since I am getting a DOCTOR of Pharmacy degree that I will the relegated to only checking and passing out prescriptions. The queen came out of me with all her claws exposed. O no ma'am! I pay too much money and have too much knowledge to just pass out prescriptions. They tried to tell me that clinical pharmacists will be the ones to manage patient profiles as if I don't have the knowledge to do that. They got me mixed up with registered pharmacists. PharmD's are very capable of performing those clinical duties. Do they not know that here at Howard University we are taught to be clinicians. It took all I had to not slap all three of the bitches sitting in front of me. They are the reason I woke up mad this morning. Mothafucka's!!!!!
As a side note. You all know I currently work for CVS and have been for almost 6 years now. They were throwing me much shade. I asked the intern coordinator for more hours next month and she told me to talk to the pharmacy manager who is a complete asshole. I have never had to do that in all my time with this company. I was truly taken aback!! She had been cool with me but is now on my shit list. I didn't interview with them and that was on purpose. That company has worked the shit out of me with no regards for its employees. I watched the pharmacist at my store work 12 and 14 hour shifts. Technician help is spotty. CVS is at the bottom of list of places to work, so is Walgreen's. They expect people to be robots.
So, it looks like my options are mainly retail. I mean I gotta have a job. Rite Aid and Shopper's are retail but with a more clinical decision making end which is what I would like. Shoppers is even offering to pay me back my board fees when I pass. I can't beat that. That fact puts them at the top of list of future prospects.
Yall pray for me. I got rent due in February and will need a job really towards the end of next month just to keep my head above water.
In the famous words of Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." :)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Drag Queen Chaser
Hello Everyone,
I have given up on trying to catch up on these fucking posts. I just can't seem to find time these days. Anyway, for the dirt.
I do drag.
Big Shock huh? Anway, there is this dude name Chris. Kinda cute in a dirty boy type way. Stands about 6'2", 29 years old. I've seen him out and about at all the parties for some time now. I first met him when wet was still open. O my God, I miss that club so much. I partied my ass off in there faithfully every Tuesday night. I got his number, called him a couple of times. He never called me back and never knew who I was when I called. So that eventually dissolved. Over the years I've been told he is packing 10 inches solid. That got my attention and perked my interest in him over the years.
Last September, I won an amateur contest over at Omega and instantly got 2 stalkers, Chris and some weird white man who keeps the drinks flowing whenever we see each other. Now all of a sudden, Chris wants to get with me. Last night I was back at Omega to catch a show and he was there. As he was getting his fuck toy a drink he saw me (out of drag of course) and even out of drag he struck up a conversation. Now he remember's me (sort of). I showed him a picture of me in drag and he was like don't show me that you'll get my dick hard. He proceeds to tell me how he is so into drag queens and how he wants to fuck me in drag. This muthafucka has no idea how much work it takes to get into drag. And like every other queen, we try to make it as perfect as possible. I told him that would be alot of work. He says just wear the wig and lipstick. So, I was thinking with my pussy and got his digits. I promised to give him a call on Tuesday where I was suppose to cook him a "soul food dinner" and give him some pussy. He tried to come home with me Monday night but I wasn't having that.
I talked to my drag queen friend, Mercedes, who promptly told me to stay away from him. He hits on every queen. I watched with my own eyes but kept thinking about his 10 inches. I caught the rest of the show. Some damn queen vogued her ass off to Madonna's Vogue. And she was a medium sized black girl. To do that song is a fucking feat but to do it well is absolutely amazing. She got the bulk of my coins that night. Jessica Spalding was absolutely amazing as usual. Tallulah hosted and she is always hilarious unlike Tony Nelson who gets off on insulting the audience. The legendary Arcadia Alexander was there tearing up Anita Baker as usual. My good personal friend Tyria Iman performed giving cunt to the fullest. The legendary Sofia Bouvier Carrington was there out of drag. She is amazing in and out of drag. My good good friend Sebastian showed up and we key-keeyed as usual.
As for this Chris guy. I do want to hook up with him. But really, I just wanna see his dick. I can't imagine myself taking 10 inches. Maybe I'll just let him put the head in?? But before I left Omega I was turned off completely by him. He soon started to disgust me. I watched the show and got into it but sort of watched him out of the corner of my eye. I watched as he openly flirted with every drag queen who gave him the time of day. I saw that he was really after Tyria Iman. And when he wasn't lusting after one of the queens he was busy feeling on his fuck toy, holding his hand, planting little kisses on this god awful ape looking muthafucka. I could have thrown up. So, I was sitting with my good friend Mercedes. She went to the bathroom and when she came back, she said, "Girl, he just tried to get my number again. I gave him a fake one." I was so fucking over it.
But, I still wanna see his dick. I didn't call him and don't plan on it. Too bad he can't be faithful and is just a player. But at least he openly does it so I can't blame no one but myself if I fall for it and get hurt.
For those of you in the DC area, I am performing Monday, November 9th. Show starts at 10:30. Come out and support your girl, Octavia K. Blue (me). See you there!!!
I have given up on trying to catch up on these fucking posts. I just can't seem to find time these days. Anyway, for the dirt.
I do drag.
Big Shock huh? Anway, there is this dude name Chris. Kinda cute in a dirty boy type way. Stands about 6'2", 29 years old. I've seen him out and about at all the parties for some time now. I first met him when wet was still open. O my God, I miss that club so much. I partied my ass off in there faithfully every Tuesday night. I got his number, called him a couple of times. He never called me back and never knew who I was when I called. So that eventually dissolved. Over the years I've been told he is packing 10 inches solid. That got my attention and perked my interest in him over the years.
Last September, I won an amateur contest over at Omega and instantly got 2 stalkers, Chris and some weird white man who keeps the drinks flowing whenever we see each other. Now all of a sudden, Chris wants to get with me. Last night I was back at Omega to catch a show and he was there. As he was getting his fuck toy a drink he saw me (out of drag of course) and even out of drag he struck up a conversation. Now he remember's me (sort of). I showed him a picture of me in drag and he was like don't show me that you'll get my dick hard. He proceeds to tell me how he is so into drag queens and how he wants to fuck me in drag. This muthafucka has no idea how much work it takes to get into drag. And like every other queen, we try to make it as perfect as possible. I told him that would be alot of work. He says just wear the wig and lipstick. So, I was thinking with my pussy and got his digits. I promised to give him a call on Tuesday where I was suppose to cook him a "soul food dinner" and give him some pussy. He tried to come home with me Monday night but I wasn't having that.
I talked to my drag queen friend, Mercedes, who promptly told me to stay away from him. He hits on every queen. I watched with my own eyes but kept thinking about his 10 inches. I caught the rest of the show. Some damn queen vogued her ass off to Madonna's Vogue. And she was a medium sized black girl. To do that song is a fucking feat but to do it well is absolutely amazing. She got the bulk of my coins that night. Jessica Spalding was absolutely amazing as usual. Tallulah hosted and she is always hilarious unlike Tony Nelson who gets off on insulting the audience. The legendary Arcadia Alexander was there tearing up Anita Baker as usual. My good personal friend Tyria Iman performed giving cunt to the fullest. The legendary Sofia Bouvier Carrington was there out of drag. She is amazing in and out of drag. My good good friend Sebastian showed up and we key-keeyed as usual.
As for this Chris guy. I do want to hook up with him. But really, I just wanna see his dick. I can't imagine myself taking 10 inches. Maybe I'll just let him put the head in?? But before I left Omega I was turned off completely by him. He soon started to disgust me. I watched the show and got into it but sort of watched him out of the corner of my eye. I watched as he openly flirted with every drag queen who gave him the time of day. I saw that he was really after Tyria Iman. And when he wasn't lusting after one of the queens he was busy feeling on his fuck toy, holding his hand, planting little kisses on this god awful ape looking muthafucka. I could have thrown up. So, I was sitting with my good friend Mercedes. She went to the bathroom and when she came back, she said, "Girl, he just tried to get my number again. I gave him a fake one." I was so fucking over it.
But, I still wanna see his dick. I didn't call him and don't plan on it. Too bad he can't be faithful and is just a player. But at least he openly does it so I can't blame no one but myself if I fall for it and get hurt.
For those of you in the DC area, I am performing Monday, November 9th. Show starts at 10:30. Come out and support your girl, Octavia K. Blue (me). See you there!!!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Damned if I do.........
Today is Tuesday, September 29th, 2009. I have exactly 66 days before I will spend my last day as a Howard University student. Its been hell.
It is cold here in Maryland. It was 57 degrees when I stepped out of my house this morning and according to the weather center it is now 61. I've never been a fan of cold weather. I got to get the hell out of here.
Anyway, I started my 7th rotation today and it didn't start without drama as usual. One of the requirements regarding rotations is to contact each location at least 2 weeks in advance of our upcoming arrival. I feel like thats too long of a gap so I usually contact mines a week in advance. Last Monday, like clockwork, I call Holy Cross Hospital to inform them that I will be joining them on the 28th of September. I get an answering service and leave a message asking to have my call returned. In addition to that call, I emailed my preceptor saying that I am coming, asking for driving directions, parking instructions and so forth. By the end of that day I have no answer on either end, not through the phone or email. I was still a student on a critical care rotation at Inova Farifax Hospital so Tuesday, and Wednesday I let go by due to being busy as hell. I gave Holy Cross another call on Thursday, and Friday. No answer. I even informed the student coordinator at Howard of my delima but got no sympathy from him.
Monday rolls around and I decide to just take an extra day to myself. I've been pretty stressed and needed the extra rest just to keep it together. Around 1PM on Monday I give Holy Cross another call and magically someone answers the call. I've been calling this same number for a week with no return. I try to tell the voice on the other end how I've been trying to contact them but they hurridely ask what do I need. I explain that I need driving directions and any other helpful instruction, they tell me to check the website and show up on Tuesday at 9am. I say ok and without even a goodbye they hang up. (If you can imagine Madea looking at the phone going I know this bitch didn't just hang up on me, that would be the look and attitude that showed on my face at that moment.)
I showed up Tuesday around 9:20. (You know I can't be on time.) I got no greeting. The first thing said to me is, "Are you the student?" I say "Yes". They say, "Why didn't you show up yesterday?" I say because I called on last Monday to let you all know I was coming and sent an email saying the same and got no return call. I called on Thursday and Friday and still didn't get a call back. I explained that I didn't feel like I should just show up without speaking to someone first. She says, "Well, you gotta take that up with Lola." The only thing that went through my mind is can I at least get a hello? So, I am very intriged of who this LOLA person is.
So the bitch comes out of her office, some African bitch. I don't know why those Africans think they are so much better than those of us who were born and raised here. First of all, we don't have to AMERICANIZE our names. This ho's name is Kike S. Gbadamosi. Where the fuck did Lola come from? I hope that shit is not a nick name. Ugly bitch. So, she starts the conversation off just as rudely as the bitch before her asking why didn't I show up yesterday. I give her the same spill about emails and phone calls because that is what happened. She tells me that is unacceptable and that other students showed up. I ask if she got any of my phone messages. This is were the bitch goes off saying it is my responsibilty to show up on time and if I don't like it then I should leave and contact my school. She pushed the wrong fucking button and I said that is exactly what I will do. She says why don't you do that now. I see then that this bitch is trying to put me out. O hell naw! I inform her that I will be starting and finishing this rotation but will inform the school. She starts to explain the requirements and I completely ignore her taking my time to concentrate on not beating this bitch's ass.
I go back out to her rude secretary who prints some forms for me to complete, tells me to go to the break room and she will be back to get me in 20 minutes. That 20 minutes turns into 2 hours. I complain to all who enter the breakroom. I've never been someone to hold my peace. If it is wrong I will say something. Some pharmacist that was hired three weeks ago takes pity on me and goes out to get the ball rolling. I finally get an ID and then go to lunch. I come back and am ignored for another half hour. The secretary ho ask if I need something. I ask if there are any plans for me today or do I get to meet my actual preceptor? I had had enough. I get instructions to where my preceptor is and I am out of there.
My preceptor is actually a sweetheart. She's ugly, but a sweetheart.A great candidate for a fag hag. She is Howard Grad and started out by asking me to talk about myself. I can go on and on about that! I explain which rotations I've had. I usually lie about that but she made me feel so comfortable I explained which I had, which I liked and disliked and why. I told her about my day. She told me to brush that off my shoulder because God has bigger plans for me. She shows me around, gives me a little project and says she will see me in the morning at 7:30. I call the school to tell them about my day but again they show no concern. I am going to file a grievance. They don't know who they fucking with yet?
In regards to my preceptor, for her, I just might show up on time. Those other two bitches, they better watch their backs!
It is cold here in Maryland. It was 57 degrees when I stepped out of my house this morning and according to the weather center it is now 61. I've never been a fan of cold weather. I got to get the hell out of here.
Anyway, I started my 7th rotation today and it didn't start without drama as usual. One of the requirements regarding rotations is to contact each location at least 2 weeks in advance of our upcoming arrival. I feel like thats too long of a gap so I usually contact mines a week in advance. Last Monday, like clockwork, I call Holy Cross Hospital to inform them that I will be joining them on the 28th of September. I get an answering service and leave a message asking to have my call returned. In addition to that call, I emailed my preceptor saying that I am coming, asking for driving directions, parking instructions and so forth. By the end of that day I have no answer on either end, not through the phone or email. I was still a student on a critical care rotation at Inova Farifax Hospital so Tuesday, and Wednesday I let go by due to being busy as hell. I gave Holy Cross another call on Thursday, and Friday. No answer. I even informed the student coordinator at Howard of my delima but got no sympathy from him.
Monday rolls around and I decide to just take an extra day to myself. I've been pretty stressed and needed the extra rest just to keep it together. Around 1PM on Monday I give Holy Cross another call and magically someone answers the call. I've been calling this same number for a week with no return. I try to tell the voice on the other end how I've been trying to contact them but they hurridely ask what do I need. I explain that I need driving directions and any other helpful instruction, they tell me to check the website and show up on Tuesday at 9am. I say ok and without even a goodbye they hang up. (If you can imagine Madea looking at the phone going I know this bitch didn't just hang up on me, that would be the look and attitude that showed on my face at that moment.)
I showed up Tuesday around 9:20. (You know I can't be on time.) I got no greeting. The first thing said to me is, "Are you the student?" I say "Yes". They say, "Why didn't you show up yesterday?" I say because I called on last Monday to let you all know I was coming and sent an email saying the same and got no return call. I called on Thursday and Friday and still didn't get a call back. I explained that I didn't feel like I should just show up without speaking to someone first. She says, "Well, you gotta take that up with Lola." The only thing that went through my mind is can I at least get a hello? So, I am very intriged of who this LOLA person is.
So the bitch comes out of her office, some African bitch. I don't know why those Africans think they are so much better than those of us who were born and raised here. First of all, we don't have to AMERICANIZE our names. This ho's name is Kike S. Gbadamosi. Where the fuck did Lola come from? I hope that shit is not a nick name. Ugly bitch. So, she starts the conversation off just as rudely as the bitch before her asking why didn't I show up yesterday. I give her the same spill about emails and phone calls because that is what happened. She tells me that is unacceptable and that other students showed up. I ask if she got any of my phone messages. This is were the bitch goes off saying it is my responsibilty to show up on time and if I don't like it then I should leave and contact my school. She pushed the wrong fucking button and I said that is exactly what I will do. She says why don't you do that now. I see then that this bitch is trying to put me out. O hell naw! I inform her that I will be starting and finishing this rotation but will inform the school. She starts to explain the requirements and I completely ignore her taking my time to concentrate on not beating this bitch's ass.
I go back out to her rude secretary who prints some forms for me to complete, tells me to go to the break room and she will be back to get me in 20 minutes. That 20 minutes turns into 2 hours. I complain to all who enter the breakroom. I've never been someone to hold my peace. If it is wrong I will say something. Some pharmacist that was hired three weeks ago takes pity on me and goes out to get the ball rolling. I finally get an ID and then go to lunch. I come back and am ignored for another half hour. The secretary ho ask if I need something. I ask if there are any plans for me today or do I get to meet my actual preceptor? I had had enough. I get instructions to where my preceptor is and I am out of there.
My preceptor is actually a sweetheart. She's ugly, but a sweetheart.A great candidate for a fag hag. She is Howard Grad and started out by asking me to talk about myself. I can go on and on about that! I explain which rotations I've had. I usually lie about that but she made me feel so comfortable I explained which I had, which I liked and disliked and why. I told her about my day. She told me to brush that off my shoulder because God has bigger plans for me. She shows me around, gives me a little project and says she will see me in the morning at 7:30. I call the school to tell them about my day but again they show no concern. I am going to file a grievance. They don't know who they fucking with yet?
In regards to my preceptor, for her, I just might show up on time. Those other two bitches, they better watch their backs!
Friday, September 25, 2009
A mess!
Hello all. I have been one busy bitch. It has been one month and 8 days since my last post here and I have missed you so!!!!
Once again, I am having relationship problems. I think T and I are over. We haven't spoken in five days now. I guess now I am just waiting on him to come pick up his shit. Lets see if I can give you all a quick rundown of what happened.
I got sick and my mom came to take care of her baby. More on her later. T decided he would leave. I wanted him to stay and meet her, since he has basically been living here why leave now? But he told me out of respect for her he would leave and give her and me time to reconnect. I truly didn't want him to leave but he did. Mama Diamond said that my mother coming to visit was a blessing from above. She never liked him, said he was just using me. I've always been the kind of person who has to tire of situations instead of taking the advice of others, especially when the person giving out the advice is alone they damn self. No one has to like whats going on in my house but they must respect my decisions especially if they are not paying a damn bill up in here. After he left I went through two weeks of hell. It wasn't due to my mom being here, I was just so busy. I juggled work, school, and home and personal business. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I came home one day and my mom had packed T's clothes into a trash bag. I thought that was funny. He didn't of course. He looked so pitiful when I gave him that bag.
The week before my mom came I won a drag show and was booked to perform the following Monday. It was hell trying to buy things for the show and hide them from my mom. Thank God for Mama Diamond who allowed me to use her home. More on me and Drag later.
My critical care rotation kicked my ass too. I was in charge of the medications of patients in the intensive care unit, the sickest of the sick. Drunks, car accidents, motorcycle accidents, brain injuries, nursing home dumps, they all were there. My brain was truly picked but I did not loose one patient. Today was the last day of that rotation and I am truly thankful for that. That is a load off me. I know that I will never be a critical care pharmacist. Too much pressure and not enough time to think. Everything is stat! O hell naw!
CVS was hell as usual. They are sending out offer letters in about a week. It looks like I might have to take that offer for a little while. I really don't want too.
After I worked at CVS, T called me and asked me to come to Virginia to spend some time with him. Since my mother is here visiting I didn't think it was right to ask me to come to Virginia to see him. It wasn't like she was going to be here forever. I can see him anytime after she leaves. It was already Saturday evening after 6 and all I wanted to do was go home and lay my old tired ass down for sleep. So I told him I didn't feel like coming to see him. I was just too tired. I've never been one to beat around the bush with an opinion. I'm too old for that shit anyway. Then he throws this whole I'm hungry type of shit in the conversation. Even though I was tired as shit my brain kicked in. I said to myself, he only wants me to come out there so I can take him to get something to eat. So any thought on changing my mind went totally out of my car window. Then, I found out he had been off all day. I asked, "Why didn't you go out to get you something. There are plenty of restaurants in your area?" He got angry saying, "When have you ever known me to leave the house on my day off?" I said, "If you were hungry you would have gone to get you something instead of waiting on me." He got pissed which made me mad. I cut the conversation short. I was already under too much stress and don't need his shit too.
Since 2001 I've lived by a different motto. My favorite singer put out a song called "No More Drama." She performed that song on the Grammy's that year and it totally blew me away! I have lived by that motto every since. I can't do drama, conflicts, arguments, etc. So that is why I cut the conversation short. I will hangup on a bitch with the quickness. I ended up going to a barbecue my friends were giving and then took my ass home to my mama. The next night I get an angry drunken call asking if our relationship is over. I said it was on thin ice. He wanted an answer. He wanted to argue. I couldn't say what I truly wanted to say because my mom was here. He got me angry again and I cut it short again.
I do love him but I can't support him. Yes, relationships are suppose to be 50/50 but I am finding my self in an 80/20 situation with me providing housing, food, travel, laundry, etc. This is unfair to me. On my left arm, I have tattooed the Chinese symbols for love and happiness. I figured that if I tattooed that on my arm I'd have it forever. But will I ever have this in a physical form?
Once again, I am having relationship problems. I think T and I are over. We haven't spoken in five days now. I guess now I am just waiting on him to come pick up his shit. Lets see if I can give you all a quick rundown of what happened.
I got sick and my mom came to take care of her baby. More on her later. T decided he would leave. I wanted him to stay and meet her, since he has basically been living here why leave now? But he told me out of respect for her he would leave and give her and me time to reconnect. I truly didn't want him to leave but he did. Mama Diamond said that my mother coming to visit was a blessing from above. She never liked him, said he was just using me. I've always been the kind of person who has to tire of situations instead of taking the advice of others, especially when the person giving out the advice is alone they damn self. No one has to like whats going on in my house but they must respect my decisions especially if they are not paying a damn bill up in here. After he left I went through two weeks of hell. It wasn't due to my mom being here, I was just so busy. I juggled work, school, and home and personal business. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I came home one day and my mom had packed T's clothes into a trash bag. I thought that was funny. He didn't of course. He looked so pitiful when I gave him that bag.
The week before my mom came I won a drag show and was booked to perform the following Monday. It was hell trying to buy things for the show and hide them from my mom. Thank God for Mama Diamond who allowed me to use her home. More on me and Drag later.
My critical care rotation kicked my ass too. I was in charge of the medications of patients in the intensive care unit, the sickest of the sick. Drunks, car accidents, motorcycle accidents, brain injuries, nursing home dumps, they all were there. My brain was truly picked but I did not loose one patient. Today was the last day of that rotation and I am truly thankful for that. That is a load off me. I know that I will never be a critical care pharmacist. Too much pressure and not enough time to think. Everything is stat! O hell naw!
CVS was hell as usual. They are sending out offer letters in about a week. It looks like I might have to take that offer for a little while. I really don't want too.
After I worked at CVS, T called me and asked me to come to Virginia to spend some time with him. Since my mother is here visiting I didn't think it was right to ask me to come to Virginia to see him. It wasn't like she was going to be here forever. I can see him anytime after she leaves. It was already Saturday evening after 6 and all I wanted to do was go home and lay my old tired ass down for sleep. So I told him I didn't feel like coming to see him. I was just too tired. I've never been one to beat around the bush with an opinion. I'm too old for that shit anyway. Then he throws this whole I'm hungry type of shit in the conversation. Even though I was tired as shit my brain kicked in. I said to myself, he only wants me to come out there so I can take him to get something to eat. So any thought on changing my mind went totally out of my car window. Then, I found out he had been off all day. I asked, "Why didn't you go out to get you something. There are plenty of restaurants in your area?" He got angry saying, "When have you ever known me to leave the house on my day off?" I said, "If you were hungry you would have gone to get you something instead of waiting on me." He got pissed which made me mad. I cut the conversation short. I was already under too much stress and don't need his shit too.
Since 2001 I've lived by a different motto. My favorite singer put out a song called "No More Drama." She performed that song on the Grammy's that year and it totally blew me away! I have lived by that motto every since. I can't do drama, conflicts, arguments, etc. So that is why I cut the conversation short. I will hangup on a bitch with the quickness. I ended up going to a barbecue my friends were giving and then took my ass home to my mama. The next night I get an angry drunken call asking if our relationship is over. I said it was on thin ice. He wanted an answer. He wanted to argue. I couldn't say what I truly wanted to say because my mom was here. He got me angry again and I cut it short again.
I do love him but I can't support him. Yes, relationships are suppose to be 50/50 but I am finding my self in an 80/20 situation with me providing housing, food, travel, laundry, etc. This is unfair to me. On my left arm, I have tattooed the Chinese symbols for love and happiness. I figured that if I tattooed that on my arm I'd have it forever. But will I ever have this in a physical form?
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