I've got the Blues

Hello All,

Yes, I know its been a while since I've blogged. But today I got into the blogging spirit. For those of you who don't personally know me, I was born and raised in the deep south (Deep South= Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi) in a small town in Alabama. At an early age, I gained a true apprecitation for the blues. It was played regularly in my household and in my relatives houses also. I've got an aunt who constantly played the blues greats: BB King, Little Milton, Johnnie Taylor, Denise Lasalle, Shirley Brown, etc. My very own mother was a big fan of Marvin Sease. My mom and I spent every Memorial Day at a Blue's show in someone's cow pasture or a field. I never understood why those shows were always back in the woods off a dirt road or two. We would drink and carry on and have such a good time. For one time a year we were more friends than mother and son. I truly miss that. Every memorial day away from home is like a cut to my childhood.

My grandparents played the Blues on Saturday's in the Summer. I heard Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters, KoKo Taylor, Bobby "Blue" Bland and many others during many hot Alabama summers.

What I learned from the blues is that heartache and troubles can happen at any time. I learned that this world is going to be unfair and that I'd just have to make the best of my short time here on this earth.

This music in a weird way sometimes soothes me. The voice of Aretha Franklin from about 1967 to 1976 cuts through me like a hot butter knife, so full of pain, so full of soul. From the greatest joy to the greatest sorrow all in one swoop. KoKo Taylor had a voice like a freight train. She sang this song once that said "If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all." She said, "Hard luck and trouble is my only friend, I've been down since I was 10." Alot of the time, I truly feel that way. Anyway, I've gotten off track a bit.

I left Alabama almost 6 years ago for what I figured would be a better life. I decided to pursue another degree at our nation premier black institution. Little did I know that these would be the worse 6 years I've seen in all of my 29 years on this planet. It has been hell and continues to be hell. Last December I earned my second degree. Now I have the word Doctor added to my name. Every so often, in the middle of the night, I sneak a peek at my degree to make sure that its actually my name on it.

My board exam is scheduled for June 15th at 3PM. I failed it the first time by 3 points. Do I feel any more prepared than the 1st time? No. If I had my way I probably wouldn't take that exam until around August. If I had my way I would purchase more study guides or attend a board review course. I've got a friend who took his back in May. Failed it by 5 points. I just knew he would pass. He was a math genius.

I'm sure you're asking then why dummy are you taking this test in 12 days? Unfortunately for me, my finances will not sustain me until August. I need a job and need it now. I've got to pass it to keep my apartment and avoid moving back in with family in Alabama.

Everybody keeps telling me not to worry about it. Everybody keeps saying it will be fine. It was only 3 points and I will surely pass this time. There is no guarantee that I will pass. Like I have said in earlier posts I know a pharmacist who took hers four times before she passed and another 3 times. I know one pharmacist who was licensed back in December and has yet to find a job. This is weighing heavy on my spirit and this is another time in my life where I don't know what to do. I've been constantly studying, practicing my math and using all of my available resources of which I don't think I have enough. I take a pre-test next Tuesday and hopefully that will turn out a success. If it does it will really put my mind at ease.

All I can do right now is fix me a cute drink, give my brain a little rest, send up some prayers and continue studying. At this point I am totally out of options. Will this madness ever end?